Surviving to Thriving as a SAHM
Someone once asked me if I was “happy”, and I replied, “Yes, I think so.” But the deep down truth was that I was NOT happy. I was surviving, but facing daily defeat. So Many of us Moms are doing just that, surviving each day, without true happiness. Happiness is what I call a casserole of peace, harmony, contentment, rest, sweetness like raw honey, and many moments of joy. Hmmmmm, is happiness sounding like another word for heaven? But, I, and my home was far from heaven, it was a prison.
My feet were tired of getting stuck in the knee deep mud of this daily dark valley, that I would often distract myself til bedtime. I was feeling overwhelmed with our “normal day at home” to the point of realizing ADHD Hell has imprisoned me. I would stop trying to “do it all” and end up not doing anything. I claimed disability. And while my head was still spinning and my heart racing, I neglected to be responsible for any of it by keeping my screen scrolling distraction in my hands. I sat defeated in my own strength, overcome by my chaotic home circumstances, my never-ending piles of work, my lacking relationship with my husband, and the inner personal chaos that I masked as best as I could. Negative thoughts and emotions were blurring my vision, and everyone in my home seemed to be in their own version of that dense stormy fog too.
I was sad, angry, bitter, and resentful towards my husband who could “go” to work and then come home to “relax”. Home was not a place for anyone to relax. It was a work place, and I was so jealous of his freedom. I blamed my husband for many of our problems and for my own problems. I felt that it was unfair that I had to work harder and longer hours than he did. My attitude and belief about this strained our marriage and family. I was like this for years, even since the beginning of my relationship with my husband. But, I was in the dark.
In fact, I was destroying my marriage and family and didn’t even know it was me. I can remember my husband and I fighting one of those many times. He called me “a monster” and said I was destroying our family. I was shocked, and in complete denial. It was all his fault. He was the monster. In many of his own ways he was problematic. I only saw his issues, and saw only a small fraction of my own. But, we are no longer there. Now, we have a loving, peaceful, marriage, family, and home
Looking back, he was right. I see my self in the Light of the Truth now. I was a lazy, complaining, blaming woman, not a hard working, self accountable, life speaking woman. I could come up with excuses for being “lazy” such as being overwhelmed and unskilled for the work on my plate that needed done. But now I know that it was an excuse and that I should have done THIS years sooner!
What’s This?
I was so desperate for a change that I started practicing my faith, not just claiming to have faith.
At first, it began as me praying for my husband to change. Instead of starting a fight with him, I would keep my mouth shut, and go to God with it. I saw results. The more I did this, the more peaceful our home was. I had to trust God for the changes. And lo and behold, changes were happening. My husband started giving up some of his addictions. My husband was becoming more disciplined in his faith with Christ.
After seeing results, I decided to go further with my faith.
Why Jesus?
Nearly a decade ago, I had tried so many other paths: Self-Love books, energy healing, meditation, essential oils, positive thinking, being a politically correct person, the law of attraction, special diets, etc. Much of that feels good in the moment and may help with some level of issues, but those are only crumbs compared to the whole loaves of fresh baked bread I found myself savoring now. I was hungry, desperate, for a deep change, a need for an entire home & family makeover. And a true, whole-hearted surrender to Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life, did just that.
What does THAT faith look like in real life as a pregnant Mom of 5 and Wife?
Pray. Tell Him everything. Be humble enough to acknowledge that you need His strength and help.
Seek God’s Way in every relationship and circumstance. Btw, His Ways are found in the Holy Bible.
At first, I struggled to talk to God. Yet, out of desperation and a bit of a growing desire for devotion and discipline, I practiced just sharing my life exactly as it was and asking for guidance for my every problem. Soon, I was seeing His miraculous capacity to Care in response to my prayers. I remember thinking, “what a relief, God really does exist!” That watered my faith.
My prayers weren’t formal. For example:
“I am done managing this home and my kids- it’s like a band of tornado toddlers are throwing a party, and I am exhausted from just surviving the first hour of the day. When I look around, I feel defeated, and I’m unmotivated to try to fix it on my own. And my husband is no help at home. It is so unfair, and I am struggling to love him. Please Help me! Let me see that You are real and that You do care about me and about my family.”
After sharing my heart with God, I was often reminded that God’s Son, Jesus was my help and my Grace. I fail a lot, and I am nowhere close to the “ideal” version of a wife and homeschooling mom.
In the past, I would blame my weaknesses on the fact that I didn’t have a village or a more helpful husband. But God showed me that in Him, I could do what I needed to do and be who my family needed me to be. I couldn’t do it alone, but that it was OK. That’s why we have Jesus. He was perfect because we couldn’t be. Truly understanding That Gospel, at first was my Grace– my lifesaving breath of oxygen in the nick of time and then it became my resting place thereafter.
It wasn’t an overnight fix, but sincere prayers would immediately bring me the shift in perspective to breath and trust God. I gave it all to Him, sometimes it took me praying like that few times a day. I asked for strength. He provided. I asked for help, I got it. I began learning the Home Management skills needed to fulfill my responsibilities.
Little did I know at the time, but just getting myself into the habit of prayer and strengthening my relationship with God through Jesus, I was receiving small golden moments with my famil, and it continues to get better. Could it be that my faith in Jesus is changing my thoughts, my heart, my attitude, and my reality? I believe so. My faith and discipline is my responsibility. Jesus fulfills the rest. He gives Life to those who are connected to Him. He is the vine, and we are the branches.
I couldn’t have done it without Him.
So, I could share all of the home management skills, parenting hacks, marriage wisdom, and homeschooling experiences. But the most important message and most transforming lesson you could ever learn, is to go to Jesus asap.
“Turn all your anxiety over to God because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
Will you give it a try? Why or why not?
Do you have a story of transformation with Jesus?
Let me know in the comments!